‘I don’t know who you are, I don’t know what you want, but please, leave me alone.’

‘I’m here because I’m writing a book – a book about you.’

‘Didn’t you say that this person was supposed to be fictional? At this point, this just is a biography, you can’t even argue anymore.’

‘Listen, I don’t know anything about a book. Please, just go.’

‘Wait! Don’t close the door! You’re the one who washes his face with shampoo, yes?’

‘How did you even know that he does that…’

‘Could you move your foot please? I want to close the door.’

‘Just a moment, please! This will be sensational! This will sell! Believe me, this will change your life!’

‘I didn’t realise my support would bring you here…’

‘Listen, sir…’

‘Eggberry. Gottlieb Eggberry. But please, call me Lieb.’

‘…don’t think I would have been so enthusiastic…’

‘Listen, Mr. Eggberry — Lieb, the last time someone told me a new trick would change my life forever, I started washing my face with shampoo—’ His wife’s voice called from upstairs. ‘Sorry honey, be there in just a sec’, just some pesky men are bothering me at our door.’

‘If we could please come in, I would explain everything…’

‘I don’t have to follow you everywhere, right? You’ve got my unconditional support, though I’m starting to doubt whether it’s well-placed…’

‘They say they want to write a book about me. Yes, a book. A biography, about how I wash my face with shampoo. Yes, I know I’m using face wash now…’

‘Hold on – you’re using face wash now? And you used to use shampoo? What growth! What development! This is gonna be a bigger hit than I thought!’

‘Maybe I should just leave…’

‘I don’t know honey, he just caught me on my way to the door. Eggberry, he’s called Eggberry, or—’

‘Lieb, I prefer Lieb.’

Mikey – Lieb’s supportive friend – turned to leave.

‘He prefers Lieb. Yeah, I don’t know him either.’

‘Well, I’m right at your door now, and what a great opportunity that is to get to know each other – Mikey, where are you going?’

‘I don’t know about this, man. Maybe the book isn’t such a good idea…’

‘And he’s got someone else with him too, a Mikey…’

‘Not a good idea? Are you crazy?! We just learned this guy uses face wash now, and he used to use shampoo! To wash his face! If this isn’t my big break, what is?’

‘You can’t have a big break, you’re not even a writer yet.’

‘Yeah, Mikey. They seem to be leaving though so don’t bother coming down…’

‘Well not with that attitude I can’t! And besides, who says you can’t start with your big break? Blow right up at the start? I think this is a brilliant opportunity—’

‘But you’re just harrassing this man, can’t you see he doesn’t want us here? Can’t you see—’

‘I told you baby, you don’t need to come down…’

‘It’s not harrassment, why do you need to use such strong words? He just doesn’t understand my idea yet, and when he does…’

But Mikey was not listening. He was looking at Simona, his crush from highschool, and she was looking right back at him.

21.XII.22