When I was six, my family got a computer. Dad came back from work one day with a large box. It looked heavy, and he heaved it through the door, asking us to help him through. He looked excited, anxious to show us what was inside.

He planted the box onto our kitchen table. There, he opened its lid, and with Mom’s help they picked up the computer from inside. When they put it down on the table, I looked at it in awe, wondering what it was.

Dad explained that it was called a computer, and that it would help him do his work from home. I looked at the large grey cube they had planted on the table. I was confused how it could possibly help Dad do his work, but I also didn’t understand Dad’s job very well.

We moved the computer to a desk in the corner of the kitchen. Dad connected it to the wall and Mom attached a sort of black rectangle to it. It had lots of buttons with letters on them, and some numbers too. Next to it, Mom placed a black oval, with a tail coming out of it like a mouse, reaching all the way to the computer.

Once they put everything together, Dad pulled a kitchen chair up to the desk and sat down. I stood next to him, on my tiptoes to see what was happening. He pressed a big button on the front of the computer. After a few seconds, the screen turned blue.

The blue light stayed like that for a little bit, and Dad turned to look at me with a big smile. His eyes were wide; they were asking me, ‘isn’t this exciting?’ When the screen changed again, Dad turned to look at it. This time, it was more than one colour. I saw what looked like a bright green hill, backed by an open blue sky.

Dad moved his hand to pick up the mouse. Then, at the same time, a little arrow appeared on the screen, and started moving too. I wondered where the arrow was going, so I followed it attentively with my eyes. It moved over to a square that was floating in the sky above the hills.

Then Dad pressed one of the buttons on the mouse and it made a click, and when he did, the floating square turned blue. I realised that it was Dad that was moving the little arrow, and I became even more interested in what he was doing. After a second, the whole screen changed colour again, creating a blank white page. In the middle, there were some colourful letters that spelt a word that I could not read.

Dad pressed a few buttons, then he noticed that I was still standing next to him. He told me to leave him be, and that he needed to get things prepared for work. He said that when he got everything working, he would be able to be home much more often. I understood, delighted, and I skipped away like he asked, imagining all the things we could do together when he was home. When he finished work that day, he joined me in my bedroom, and we played with robots for a little while.

The next morning when Mom woke me up to go to school, I ran downstairs to the kitchen to have my breakfast. I was surprised when I walked through the kitchen door and saw Dad, sitting at the computer. When I remembered that he could work from home now, I was immediately filled with joy, and I ran over to him so quickly that I had to hug him so as not to fall over.

‘Good morning, Dad,’ I said. ‘Will we eat breakfast together?’

Dad smiled.

‘I already had my breakfast,’ he said. ‘I have a lot of work to do. I’ll be right here.’ And he turned to look back at the computer, which now had so many different shapes and pictures on it, that I could no longer tell any of them apart.

I walked over to the kitchen table, where Mom had already poured me my milk and cereal. As I ate spoon after spoon, I kept looking at Dad. I was so happy that he was there.

When I got back from school that day, I immediately ran into the kitchen, finding Dad sitting in the same spot as he was in the morning. I hugged him, and he patted my head. As quickly as I could, I dashed up the stairs to change out of my school uniform, running right back down as soon as I was done. I ran over to Dad again, and asked him if he would like to play with me. He gave me another smile.

‘I’m so busy with work,’ he said. ‘After work. Okay?’

I told him ‘Okay,’ and I ran up to my bedroom to play. I played for what felt like forever, until eventually Dad joined me, and we played together.

Some days, Dad would get more work, and he would spend all day in front of the computer. Even when Mom would call him to eat dinner he would stay working, and she would have to bring him his food, leaving us to eat at the table without him. When we would finish, I would go to Dad and ask him to play, but he would always tell me he was too busy, and that we would play some other time. Any time he told me he couldn’t go, I walked away really sad. After some time, I started to hate the computer.

Then one night, when I couldn’t sleep, I walked downstairs to have a glass of milk, and I found Dad still working on the computer. I walked up behind him, trying to see the work he was doing late at night, but I couldn’t tell what was happening at all. It was all just bright colours, changing and moving very quickly, like a living explosion, sometimes taking shapes I could recognise, but most of the time just looking like colourful noise. They moved so fast, they all changed so quickly, that there was something hypnotising about them. When I started looking, even though I couldn’t understand what they were, I couldn’t look away.

Dad noticed me standing behind him, and asked what I was doing up in the middle of the night. I told him that I couldn’t sleep, showing him the glass of milk in my hand. He gave me a sympathetic look, and moved out from under the desk, patting his legs. With his help, I happily jumped onto his lap, being careful not to spill my milk. Dad moved one hand to the computer mouse, hugging me with the other. As I sat there with him, embraced by his warmth, I felt happy. It felt like we were playing again, like we hadn’t in such a long time. I took two sips of my milk, and quickly fell asleep in the warmth on his lap.

The next day when I came back from school, I found Dad on the computer again.

‘Dad?’ I said from right beside him.

It took him a moment to look away from the colours on the computer, but he looked down at me.

‘Hm?’ he said.

He looked really tired, moving and reacting to everything very slowly.

‘Can I watch the colours?’ I asked him. I remembered the night we shared, and how nice it had been. I wanted to be sitting in Dad’s lap again.

Dad looked back at the computer for a second, then, without saying anything, he got up from his seat.

‘There you go,’ he said, and he walked away into the sitting room.

I followed him with my eyes for a moment. I didn’t know how to tell him to stay. He walked away so quickly that before I had a chance to think, he was out of sight. 

I stood there in quiet sadness for a moment. I looked up at the changing colours. They were different from the colours from last night, but they were just as mesmerising. It took me only a few seconds before I climbed up on the chair and sat down. I watched the colours change until it was late, and Mom had to tell me to go to bed.

I felt really tired when I went to school the next day. I looked for Dad at the computer, but I didn’t find him there.

‘He’s gone to the office, honey,’ explained Mom when she saw me, ‘now come eat your breakfast before it gets cold.’

Mom made me bacon and eggs, which made me a little bit happier since it was my favourite breakfast. I liked how the little suns burst and spilt all over the plate. As the sunshine filled my plate, I looked at the computer. I wondered what Dad had eaten for breakfast.

Like every other day, the moment I got back from school I rushed into the kitchen. I was delighted to find that Dad was already there, but not at the computer like before. He was standing at another table in the kitchen, with a tall box in front of him.

When he heard me running in, he turned to look at me. I wanted to see a smile on his face, but his eyes were plain, and his lips were indifferent. I slowed down before I reached him, and my own smile started to fade.

Without words, Dad opened the box and reached inside it. With a little difficulty, he managed to remove what was inside, and place it next to the box on the table. It was another computer.

He looked at me again, with those same empty eyes.

‘This is for you,’ he said, ‘now we don’t have to take turns anymore.’

For a moment I was shocked, but then I started to think of all the colours I would be able to see, and I felt a little bit happier. I watched as Dad removed all the different parts of the computer and connected them like he had the first one. When he was finished, he walked away and sat down at his own computer.

I walked slowly over to the new machine. Looking up, it appeared as if it was a tall tower looking over me.

I climbed up onto the chair and pushed the power button. As the screen turned on in front of me, I turned around to look at Dad. He was looking right into the screen. He didn’t see me.

I turned back to my own computer and found the colours I wanted to see. They changed from one to another, and the sun set behind me. As I became entombed by the darkness, I fell into a world of my own, where only the colours in front of me existed, and nothing else. I sat and watched as they changed shape from one to the next, hypnotised by the numbing colours of flowering indigo, and burning blue.

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