In the coldest school corner, I first met you.
You sat beside that now stranger, for whom I first came
And made meek company, as I chatted to him
Until, he finally left, and it was just us
And our first conversation began.

I know not of my substance, but I remember vilely
Casting sloshed curbs at your kind remarks.
You were nice, and I wasn’t ready for that
Much too accustomed to the wicked kin
Of scowling crooks that promised death
The liars, contorters of simple truths
For whom there was no room on that small bench.

The radiator never warmed, really.
Each morning your friends flocked there
Sitting starkly, making seats of the floor
I was slightly scared of them.

You were three years older then
(And still now; I haven’t caught up)
And they were much more your peers than me.
In one word: jealousy.
So when my own friends came along to fetch me
I ardently clenched my fists, defending my seat.

It was for no reason that I could tell
That you started guarding me
Not only with your pin-sized Stanley knife
But also with your words. Simple syllables that made
A talisman, that your soft string arms wrapped
Round my neck, with each greeting embrace, melting
The cold moments, saving me from my own curses.

You couldn’t know it then, but you were prying
Open the dwelling of a grizzly animal, cave-caged
Who wasn’t ready for sunlight yet.
So it lashed back – yes, that you know
And though I may paint the animal to blame
I know the responsibility is mine to own.

And yet you still stayed, still called me over
To that cold corner, every morning, still sat
When I insisted that I was filth, and you
Had no shortage of evidence for that.
Why, then, I didn’t know, and still don’t
But past facts notwithstanding, crumbled beneath
Their own falsehood, I still remember, hold
The image, of us sitting there, handing
The odd word to fill an empty stomach.

It’s all mostly a blur, and I struggle for
Clarity, but I still see that Polish horror book
You gave me, with a dog bookmark, to improve
My fluency; or the odd treat you’d treat me, slipping
It sweetly, for me to eat; or, most powerful yet
The time after exams, when I went out
Alone and exhausted, and I found you’d waited
An hour for me. That has stayed strongly in my heart
For many happy memories since.

So it’s thanks to you that I walk now
With wounds patched up by yellow, heart-shaped notes.
A girl who had no reason to dizzy me with kindness
Enough to spark a confusing first love, in a soul
That hadn’t learnt to do so yet. And though
That dream’s long gone now, I can’t help the fact that
In many ways, you saved me from death.

And now I know, with certainty, quite inspiring
That even a hurt, crying heart can lay
A Golden Goose Egg, from which can be born
The greatest happiness, that can turn the coldest corner warm.

20.XI.24